2008-05-22
A Tribute to Assignments.
Dear all,
Today I am here to discuss the merits of our glorious homework.
First and foremost, one can't deny that homework helps to break us out of our childhood. It's always there - the constant in our lives that never fails to remind us that we, in fact, have no lives, at least out of the school context. Those marvelous sheets of paper or email notices or teacherly speeches are ever ready to shatter any childhood hopes and dreams (as if we ever needed them, pah!) and get us on with the stress and despair of reality - that's right, kids. It's not like we're ever going to have fun in the future (it's such a waste of time, honestly!) and that's what our amazing homework is for.
Secondly, it's there to keep us on our toes - the tips of our toes even. Even the teachers get something out of such a wondrous exercise - they squeeze their brains positively dry to come up with ever creative essay questions and problem sums for our slow perusal - wait, I'm sorry, did I say slow? I meant compact, efficient, so that not a drop of our spare time will go to waste. Who needs to go out and socialize anyway? We have everything at home where we need it, and of course, our homework to keep us company.
Sadly, separations do occur, such as in the cases of marking whereby homework gallantly sacrifices itself to the red ink of the teachers, just so that these educators can strengthen the muscles in their wrists and fingers. Don't think they can wield a red pen so easily just because they're teachers. They need practice, and such is the beauty of homework, working slowly on both students and teachers mental and emotional health and stability.
And of course, we simply cannot forget how homework allows us an outlet to vent at our Educational Institutes. I mean, honestly, how else would we be able to find fault in our schools? Sure, there would be one or two glitches, like a faulty toilet or bad canteen food, but homework is what makes it all worthwhile to complain. It gives an edge to our student life - a view of imperfection all condensed into a sheet (or several sheets) of paper. It trains us to control our disdain, sharpen it into perfect weapons and wield them with flair - something that is crucial for our future (how else do we Singaporeans complain so well?). Practically ingenius, I tell you.
One might argue that homework steals our souls and, in extreme cases, causes mental and emotional breakdown.
But of course, such little details should be overlooked in the grand scheme of things! After all, homework is here to tune us to be as perfect and efficient as machines.
It is this homework that ensures that we run as smoothly as robots programmed with the singular purpose of attaining academic achievements. After all, we're merely students. Of course academics are all we need to pursue. Furthermore, this is Singapore. We need to win, and where else to start but on schoolwork itself? Who needs to smell the roses when all you need is the glorious scent of rustling paper and printed marks? It is a plan to benefit us for generations to come, to create people so obsessed with homework (and work in general) that we shall understand our purpose with renewed vigor - the purpose of attaining those beautiful, beautiful marks.
And thus, ladies and gentlemen, I conclude that homework is absolutely fantastic.
inquisite at 8:44 p.m.